how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
