dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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