filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
