By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
