Cold hands, warm shart.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
