it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
