I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
