How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
