too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
