Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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