Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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