dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
