She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
