What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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