sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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