she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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