Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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