i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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