my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
