Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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