so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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