PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
