If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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