okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
