Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drake has all the answers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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