I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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