Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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