Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
