i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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