Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
