Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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