How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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