she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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