He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
