I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
