I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
