is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
