you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
