and she was petting her beer can
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
