is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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