I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
