and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
