I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
