I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
