new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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