nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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