home. puking in laundry basket.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
