I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
