You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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