youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
