i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
