What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
