Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
