I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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