How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
