my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
