Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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