Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
