They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
whose parrot is this?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
