Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so explain again why im purple
no
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
