you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
