sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
