I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
