Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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