you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
