We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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