no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
