dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
