Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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